As a few of you know, I have lost both Saber and Links this year. Needless to say it has not been a good year for me. We lost Saber on 1-20-16 and Links on 3-10-16. I can't say it was easier on either of them but I can say that loosing Links has hit me harder. With Saber, we all knew that it was coming soon. His age was guessed to be around 21 years old and he had many health issues and I was pretty much acting as his in home hospice nurse. We even had our own IV bag set up for his weekly SQ fluids. So for Saber I was able to prepare myself for what was to come and at least have a bit of time to say my goodbyes. For Links, on the other hand, I did not have any warning or time to say goodbye at all. He passed suddenly and from 1 of 2 possible conditions that even with monthly bloodwork and x-rays would not have been able to diagnose. My only saving grace with the passing of Links is that I was home for it and able to comfort him to an extent. I do not want to go into details as to what all happened, I do not mind sharing the details through private message but I can honestly say it was very traumatic for everyone involved. I can say that everything that could be done to save him was done, I preformed CPR and was able to get him back for a few seconds before he passed. I held him in my lap through the entire episode and within less than 2 minutes from the start of the seizure he was gone. After getting in touch with one of my Dr's at work he told me that he would meet me at the clinic. My fiance and siter-in-law brought me there and I had a group of my co-workers waiting for me (mind you this is all after hours and everyone had went home for the evening). My Dr even broke out his Ocarina and played The Song of Time for us. I even have this on video, one of the most touching things that they could have ever done for me. I can honestly say that this memory still haunts me and flashbacks are still fairly common, so sometimes I have a hard time with scenarios at work or even when I am seeing a patient that looks a lot like him. I would have completely lost my mind if it wasn't for my fiance who has been there for me for every flash back and panic attack that I have had since this as well as my amazing support staff at work. So needless to say there will be another tribute tattoo coming soon for Links, tho I have not finalized a design or location as of yet. My girls have also been different since loosing both of their brothers. Mya has taken on Links' favorite nighttime tradition of his "lost meow" as I called it, so I still get my nightly reminder that I have to remind my furry children that we are there and they are not lost, lol. Sierra has become very clingy since loosing them, she loved to curl up with Links and now has to follow me pretty much everywhere I go. She is fairly clingy to begin with but even this level of attachment is new for her. Marshmallow has become more attached as well, especially with Sierra. The two of them pretty much HAVE to sleep with each other now.
And all of this is on top of me dealing with 2 grandparents that are battling inoperable cancer. My grandad is in stage 2 pancreatic cancer and we know that it will not be operable at any point due to his overall health and the only way to rid of that cancer is full removal. My granny is battling an aggressive form of breast cancer and we have to shrink the mass before she can undergo surgery to remove the entire breast. Operation for my granny is almost certain that we can attain this goal. So all in all my year has been a bit of a downward spiral, one of the few things that has kept my head up is that I am also planning our wedding for the end of October. This has at least helped me keep my mind on something positive during all of this loss and stress that has been thrown my way.